How do you get and maintain connection with your horse?  This is a question I’m often ask during my travels.  Connection can be there for a few minutes and gone the next.   Comments like, “My horse isn’t paying attention to me”, “My horse looses interest in what we are doing”, “My horse is barn sweet or buddy sweet”, “My horse runs away when I go to get her”,  “Yesterday we had a great connection, but today we don’t” or “My horse is always diving for the grass” are some of the comments I’ve heard and I’ve used over the years.

We are taught to strive for calm, connected, and responsive horses.  We hear that we should have a heart connection (rapport),  mind connection (respect),  emotional connection (impulsion), and a physical connection (flexion) with our horse.

Literature and teachings are just full of references to connection.  Movies depict Cowboys riding off into the sunset with there horses.  Dreams of cantering across an open field or cantering down a beach are etched in our minds, just to name a few.  Achieving connection with our horses is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world.  How do we get it and how do we keep it?  How do we live our dreams with horses?

Horseman throughout time, seem to be very vague when talking about connection.  It’s almost like it is a riddle put out there for us to figure out.  If you don’t get “it” then you will never understand “it”, is almost what they seem to be saying.   Even with all the programs for us to try, that connection, that  “it” is still very illusive.

The best way I know to achieve connection is to apply a concept of balance.   A balance between love, language, and leadership.  An equal dose of each usually achieves an equine relationship balance which develops connection.  So what does that balance mean?

Love is usually the easy step.  We get into horses because we love them.  As a human we tend to be nurturing towards the horse, we tend to want to groom, brush, and rub our horses.  Undemanding time is relatively easy for us.

Language is usually an easy thing to learn now a days.  There are many programs for us to follow.  Horse behavior has become common place in today’s modern horse world.  If we consistently follow a program, usually we can develop a language and start to communicate with our horse in relatively short order.

Leadership is often a harder concept for us humans to develop.  It typically requires us to have a plan, apply and refine our communication, become effective, control our emotions, read our horse, and know when not to quit and when to quit.  Applying leadership with a horse can sometimes feel like we are rubbing our tummy and patting our head while standing on one leg.  Not to mention that we are dealing with a live and thinking animal.  No wonder it can be a bit challenging and overwhelming.

So what can we do to get develop our leadership?  Observe horses interacting with each other.  Notice the little things they do to communicate. Compare how horses play, dominate, share, & how the pecking order works.  Not many of us are lucky enough to observe wild horses, however many of us have access to horses in pastures.  Observing, remembering, and comparing how horses interact can tell you a lot of how we can start to become the leader our horse wants us to be.

Find a Horseman to study.  Observe them training and interacting with horses and people.  Not only in a show, clinic, tour stop, or expo, where they might be trying to impress you or sell something, but in situations where they are training there own horses.  See if the Horseman’s’ values and principles align with yours.  Are they approachable? Does the Horseman’s training methods give you the feeling that you would want them training your horse? Would you want the Horseman to teach you?  Be objective and fair, by getting to know the Horseman.  Do not make assumptions!!

I was watching a horse learn to give to pressure.  The horse was in a 70 foot area.  The pressure that was being applied on this gelding was relentless.  Each time the gelding  would brace (not yield), the pressure become more intense.  This went on for 35 minutes!  The gelding had welts and cuts over parts of his body. It was hard to watch.

Some of might be asking, thinking, or saying; How could you watch? How could you let it continue?  Did you say anything? Did you stop the session?  This is awful?  I wouldn’t want that person to train my horse?

Well you might be surprised to know that the intense pressure was not being administered by a human.  It was administrated by a herd of horses.  They were teaching a gelding, new to the herd, how to be a horse.  If that gelding didn’t yield, they would apply the pressure, as gentle as possible but as firm as necessary, to get the desired result.  There actions were swift but the attitude was just.

I tried to intervene and stop the lesson, however the horses that were teaching that day were pretty insistent.  So we watched and we learned.  That herd made sure that our new gelding didn’t even flick an ear toward them.  If he did, the pressure resumed.  When it was over the gelding stood in a corner, facing away, head low, and keeping the appropriate distance.  We removed him from the pasture and looked him over.  He was fine, a bit out of breath, and if he had an ego, it would have been bruised a bit.

There is a lot more to this story, like the gelding had been on the farm for two months, hanging with two ponies that were to help him into the herd, how he was in a pasture next to the geldings, and how not one horse put ears back when walking by him to come into the barn twice a day.  It took another six months before my new gelding could be out with the gelding herd.  There were exercises we did to help him assimilate.  Yes there is a lot more to this story which I will detail in a future post.

I learned a lot that day from those geldings, about being a leader.  I learned how horses are as gentle as possible but as firm as necessary.  I learned about focus, feel, timing,  and balance.  I learned that horses are way more effective than us humans.  I learned that being a leader isn’t always pretty and takes patience, and persistence.  And I learned that true leaders have a plan and but are ready to flex, but always keeping the original plan in mind, no matter how long it takes.  It was a very eye opening day.  I learned to be objective and unemotional.

I certainly do not recommend trying to exactly mimic the behavior of my gelding herd as a method of training.  After all they are horses and we are  humans.  We are just not equipped to be as fast, as athletic, as unemotional or as understanding of  the nuances of horse communication.  We can however learn enough from the horses of the horses language, in order to gain more and more experiences so we can begin to communicate with them at pretty high levels.

The moral of the story is that leadership takes on different forms in the horse world just as it does in the human world.  It depends on the situation and circumstance.  It is up to us to be objective when observing as many situations and methods as possible.  It is up to us to do what is best for our horse in every situation.

Connection is a matter of balance.  Balance between love, language, and leadership is the key.  The more you learn and experience, the more you can refine your communication skills.  The better communication skills you have, the better connection you will have with our horses.  It is up to us to to find that balance.  It is up to us to build the connection.

Many of you know that I am just finishing ten days with John & Kathy Baar at there farm, Raising The Baar, in Nicholasville Kentucky. What you might not know is how I got here & what it took to get me here!

Riding with John & Kathy at there farm is something I’ve wanted to do for some time now! I new I would learn a ton & it would be good for me to see other Professionals going about there day! It has been on my goals list each year since I became a Parelli Professional but some how I managed to find reasons why I couldn’t come!

Then in 2016, a student adopted two fillies & ask me which Parelli Professionals they should have start them. I recommended John & Kathy Baar.

One thing led to another and a date was picked to send one of the fillies to Raising The Baar!! As it turned out the conversation turned to me observing the development so I could provide support when the filly returned home. I of course said yes!

Now the fun began!

I was supposed to find out what dates suited the Baar’s for me to come! Easy enough request right?

Well I drug my feet! I tried to convince the owner that the filly was to young! I had so many excuses! Why? Because I was scared/unconfident about putting myself in an environment that I could be judged! Judgement on my horsemanship & judgement on my teaching ability. Even though I make a living teaching others in a non-threatening or judgmental manor, it is really difficult to put myself out there! Even though I somewhat have modeled my teaching style after John & Kathy & new them, it was still hard.

What if they think, I’m horrible? What if I just can’t do what is ask? What if I’m laughed at? These are just some of the questions that run through my mind on a daily basis!

I would get irritable and argumentative! All because I was scared/unconfident. Things got so bad that I almost didn’t take the trip!

As it turned out, I did come! I was able to turn my fear into excitement & curiosity. It was marvelous! John & Kathy were extremely gracious! They taught me & I learned. I improved! I was never made to feel wrong. I came out the other side a better person & more importantly a better Horseman!

I could say I just put on my big boy pants and did it! However I would be masking the true feelings that I have & what really caused me to be able to make the trip! The facts are that I set myself up for success!

Typically I put off things that make me uncomfortable! I mentally just can’t focus my mind enough to overcome the fear. There isn’t anything anyone could do & say to ease my mind!

So how do I do it? First I stopped making excuses! I made a plan! Then I typically put myself in situations that I can’t get out of without solving a puzzle! With each success, I gain more & more confidence.

For example, for this trip I was to observe the development of the filly so I could support, which I promised her owner. I would tell people I was going. I came up with goals for my horse & I to achieve. I cleared my schedule. I contacted John & Kathy. I scheduled the vet for a health cert. And so on & so on!

Each small step lead to another until I was so deep into it, and so convinced that it was going to be great. I was ready to go!

I literally played approach & retreat, just like I do with my horse, until I was confident with each step!

I still had my moments of doubt. When those occurred, I just went back to things that made me confident.

The fear & unconfidence, I describe are real! Sometimes it takes many attempts to gain confidence. However just like with my horses, passive persistence pays off.

I have found a process that works for me! It may work for you or it may not. Only you will know for sure. Each journey begins with a first step & then another.

Learning is hard! It takes so much emotional fitness! Mistakes will be made. There are times that are uncomfortable. Uncomfortable situations cause learning. Learning gives rise to confidence.

Just know that you are not alone in your journey! Just be yourself! Help or someone to listen is only a contact away!

Dan Roser

October 18, 2017

“It’s never to late to live your dreams”.

🤠🐴